Everyone is wrong about “Love Languages.” Here’s why. - Big Think
[Gary] Chapman grouped these types into five distinct “languages.”
- Words of affirmation: spoken expressions of appreciation or compliments
- Quality time: spending time together with undivided attention
- Acts of service: doing chores or other tasks for your partner
- Physical touch: ranging from hugs and holding hands to sexual acts
- Receiving gifts
… Individuals can discover theirs by taking a 30-item quiz, available online.
What [research] has been published, however, is not very supportive.
First off, research contradicts the notion that people have a primary love language, … it instead reveals that they tend to endorse all five love languages as equally meaningful.
Second, the five love languages overly simplify forms of love in relationships and are based on a homogenous sample. … couples “who are all married, religious, and mixed gender and likely share traditional values.”
Third … the limited research … does not support the idea that speaking someone’s preferred love language yields greater relationship satisfaction or success.
Studies consistently show that honest, patient, and clear communication is integral to long-lasting and loving relationships. Love languages provide a straightforward way for partners to describe and advocate for their needs. Chapman agrees.
“This is a communication tool that helps couples talk openly and honestly about love in their marriage.”